Well...
To start with, bathing Finn means you get a shower too. There is no way to give him a bath that doesn't involve you ending up soaking wet and covered in dog hair, so better to bow to the inevitable and plan for the after-bath shower. I just take Finn in the walk in shower with me. (he doesn't fit in the tub)
Ok, fine, but after his bath, Finn will be lying all over the floor. if the floor is dirty then you have just wasted your time bathing the dog. So first I had to sweep the floor. Fortunately I didn't have to worry about the bedroom, we had recently scrubbed the carpet thanks to Finn coming in from a 2 am tinkle call with poo all over his feet and then tracking it over every inch of the carpet.
So all I had to worry about was sweeping 4 rooms and a hallway, all oak flooring. I put Mr. Poopy Paws in the back yard while I clean. (a necessity, trust me) I start to sweep all the floors, then realize the rugs are dirty too. I take small rugs to the basement to wash, toss large ones outside for vacuuming. As I am sweeping I notice crumbs and dust bunnies under the couches, so I pull everything out and sweep under everything. I try to sweep off the dog beds, but figure they probably need a wash too so I take the covers off to wash. Meanwhile Finn is scratching at the back door and looking mournful.
I look at the swept floors and thought sweeping really just gets the loose stuff, the floors were still dirty (after all, wood floors are dirt colored) After Finn has his bath he will lay on the floor with his wet coat. Any dirt on the floor with quickly rub on him rendering the bath a loss. Ok, let's just do a quick mop then. I pull out my Swiffer mop, and a package of wet floor scrubbies. I work away at the floors, finding many interesting mystery spots to scrub up.
Hmm that is sticky..hey, bird poop! When did a bird get in here? When did that spill? More bird poop? How long was that bird in here? How did sprinkles get all they way over here? More pine needles...Finn is now barking to get in. Hope the neighbors don't mind.
I get to the area where Finn eats and spend 10 minutes just scrubbing there. Of course if you are going to clean the floor, you have to wash the wall behind it and the baseboard (splash factor). Once I was finished I looked at the floor. Kind of dull, and streaky. It was clean, but... So then I get the Golden Glo wood floor spray and a dry cloth and proceed to polish the floors. Much better with a bit of a shine.
By now the dog bed covers were washed. I pull them out, put them in the dryer and put the small rugs in to wash. I go to vacuum the rug from the family room (Finn eats cookies on this rug) and realize the shop vac weight about 50 pounds. Obviously it was never emptied from cleaning out the pellet stove. Lovely, I take it outside to empty it. As I do that I see the back yard. After his bath, Finn likes to run around in the back yard, and sometimes roll in the grass. Our back yard is a mine field of poo. If this isn't cleaned, again, the bath will be wasted effort. I play Mine Detector for a while, and clear the decks for action. Finn supervises this work.
Back to the rug now, and it is beyond help. There are numerous unidentifiable sticky things on it, including peanut butter. Another trip to the basement to the laundry room. Pull the small rugs out to dry, stuff large rug in the wash. I vacuum the other large rugs and put them back on the floor.
I am now ready to actually start the bathing of the hound. I prep the battle field, lots of towels, shampoo, and slip leash to drag the unwilling pitiful creature into the shower. I strip down to underwear and go in the shower with him. (it's the only way, really). 30 minutes, a lot of shampoo, and 3 huge clogs from the shower drain later we are done. I do my best to towel off as much water as possible before releasing a wet, whirling dervish into my house. Finn runs around the house shaking and jumping, then I let him into the back yard to run.I wait at the back door for him, sopping wet in just underwear, but holding a wet, dog hair covered towel in front of me to save the eyes of my neighbors, plus just in case someone from Zillow is driving by looking for a reason to drop our house values again. I put a towel down for Finn to roll on and go to take my own shower.
Of course now the bathroom is covered in dog hair, so I clean the bathroom, walls, floor, shower, scrub out the sink, etc. (since I'm cleaning anyway) and finally take my own shower.
I put the dog bed covers on and set them out, took all the wet towels, etc to the basement, and put Finn's collar back on.
And that's why it takes 5 hours to give the dog a bath..
